wild

I am read Robert Bringhurst's book the tree of meaning and I read about the language of the wild. I  like his idea of the wild. hard to approach. free. based on his definition I had forget what it meant to free to be wild. but that is what i want to be. but i am afraid i don't have the tools to be this and survive. i am fear i don't know how to survive, that my survival up until now has been predetermined by the powers of something much stronger... more capable... simpler higher. I keep thinking everything i need to learn will disappear, i keep grasping for a resolve and come up empty. I keep thinking time will rescue me and so I don't stop read the signs as they in front of me.